unsloppin it–

Not so simple–

It’s not so simple for one to accept things; it isn’t so simple to surrender— Because I am not one thing, I am many; I am not just the part of me I swear to be, but there is another within that plays by its own rules— And in order for me to accept anything from you, a thousand I’s in me must congruently accept; and to surrender, I must offer more than myself, but all the self that is not just me—

And we pretend all these aspects of self are so aligned, and work together so well— And the one who has uncontrollable anxiety insists they are in control; the one’s who’s thoughts wander upon how they are being judged by others, they insist they are themselves and in control— It is not so easy to surrender, and control is something you never had—

It is not so easy to surrender, and it is not so easy to accept— For a thousand you’s make you up and a million me’s have I found, a different view at every part of myself; a different perspective at every angle of myself; a different thought for every moment I exist in— And a single thought repeats through out, and that is myself—

It is not so easy to surrender, and so much harder to accept; because I give, and every part of me gives, and I am a thousand gifts upon my being, and every one of them is taking it seriously; but they cannot take it! Because they only give, they only are, they only exist in a single moment as I move through them, and I only exist in a single moment as they move through me— It is just not so easy to surrender and this is hard to accept—

And so many call upon unity; we must work together they say! And I say this upon myself, and each one says it upon their own self and to each other until it spills out my mouth about how we need to unify; and it is just an echo of our own hopes— But wandering in the dark I have murmurs in my spine, work together towards what? And it becomes so hard to surrender, but easier to accept— I am veil after veil, the moon and the sun; and it taunts me— Because we do work together, and we have always worked together; but we have always worked together towards what? and I surrender—

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